The Show That Never Was...

You know, I once had tickets, a strip of seven or eight tickets, to a show named The Rhyme and Reason Tour. It was the summer of 1999. I don't believe I've ever been more excited buying concert tickets than I was the day I bought those tickets. The show was to take place at Molson Park in Barrie, Ontario, and the line up was as follows: Co-headlining were the Beastie Boys and Rage Against The Machine. The other artists on the bill were Busta Rhymes, At The Drive In, a hip hop group called Jurassic 5 and a little known band, led by a man named Josh Homme, called Queens of the Stone Age.
       I think this needs a little context. In the year of our lord, 1999, QOTSA hadn't even released Rated R. That album wouldn't be released until 2000. And Songs For The Deaf wouldn't be released til 2002. Jurassic 5 had only released their relatively unknown self-titled album. Quality Control wouldn't be released til 2000. Similarly At The Drive In hadn't released their seminal album Relationship Of Command. An album that funnily enough would also be released in 2000. In 1999 Busta Rhymes was still a relevant and very exciting hip hop artist, having just released in the few years prior, his critically acclaimed albums When Disaster Strikes and E.L.E(Extinction Level Event): The Final World Front.
      The Beasties had just released Hello Nasty, the disco funk breakbeat extravaganza that still holds a special place in my heart and record collection, and as for Rage Against The Machine, they had just released Battle of Los Angeles. A record that might not stand up against the first two RATM albums, but a record that packed a mean punch and a lot of great tunes all the same.
      At the time I was primarily excited about the prospect of witnessing two of my all time favourite bands share a stage under the expansive skies at Molson Park. I spent part of each day in the run up to the show looking at the tickets and talking about the sheer awesomeness that would be. Nowadays I am very familiar with the work of all the bands that were listed below the headliners, and am a huge fan of all three monumental records they released in the millennium year 2000. Imagine! Quality Control, Relationship of Command and Rated R all in one year! Holy jeebus. Imagine a gig where you would witness the Beasties and RATM share a stage, and see Queens, J-5, Busta Rhymes and At The Drive In in their absolute prime.
       Now picture Mike D. Riding his low rider bicycle through the streets of bustling downtown Manhattan. Picture Mike D falling off his low rider bicycle on the streets of bustling downtown Manhattan. Picture Mike D breaking his shoulder in the fall and as a consequence having to cancel the much anticipated Rhyme and Reason Tour. Picture me in the moments and days after hearing of this news, staring despondently at a long string of concert tickets.
      Unfortunately the tour never got back on it's feet again. And RATM broke up the following year. Fortunately the Beastie Boys had played Molson park the previous year. August 15th, 1998 to be exact. Tribe Called Quest were supposed to open for them at that gig, but get this, broke up just before the gig. But once again, all was not lost. The Diabolical Biz Markie opened in their place. Playing a selection of records, including a improvised and hilarious version of Just A Friend, that included the verses "You, you got a hair weave! But you say it's your real hair, yeah, you say it's your real hair." And "You, you got a disease, but you say it's just a rash, yeah, you say it's just a rash."
     We waited in the sun for six hours outside the gates of the main stage that day. Without much water. When the guy finally opened the gate, one single unfortunate skinny man, they were flung open and 20,000 fanatical Beastie Boy fans ran for the front of the stage like a marauding army looking for women and children. People fell, and people leaped over the fallen. My friends and I got a spot dead center in front of the stage, roughly fifty people from the front. And it was the worst crowd I've ever been in. Thousands of people surging forward, wave after wave. Drunk Americans pouring beer on girls heads. A girl next to me, panicking from the push of the crowd, was literally crouched down by my feet, crying. I had a bottle of ice tea in my back pocket and when we finally got pulled out of the crowd just before the Beasties came on it was hot to the touch.
      But we got a good view from the side and the Beastie Boys took the stage and destroyed the place. Mix Master Mike opened with a scratch mix of the intro to Tom Sawyer by Rush. The Biz Markie came on stage toward the end and sang Benny and the Jets. Mike D even got the crowd to make a tunnel and started a soul train. I remember I was suffering pretty bad from being in the sun all day, and every time I jumped up my head pounded. Still, it was a great great show. My one and only live Beastie Boys experience.
      Funny enough, just a minute ago whilst searching the interweb, I found the actual setlist from that show thirteen years ago. Here it is, in all it's magnificence:

1. 1. Mix Master Mike Intro
2. 2. The Biz Vs. The Nuge
3. 3. Super Disco Breakin'
4. 4. Sure Shot
5. 5. Skills To Pay The Bills
6. 6. Putting Shame In Your Game
7. 7. Time To Get Ill
8. 8. Sabrosa
9. 9. Tough Guy
10. 10. Transit Cop
11. 11. Remote Control
12. 12. The Move
13. 13. Flute Loop
14. 14. Egg Man
15. 15. Slow And Low
16. 16. Three Mc's And One Dj
17. 17. Ricky's Theme
18. 18. Song For The Man
19. 19. Time For Livin'
20. 20. Soba Violence
21. 21. Root Down
22. 22. Body Movin'
23. 23. Paul Revere
24. 24. Shake Your Rump
25. 25. Something's Got To Give
26. 26. Gratitude
27. 27. Heart Attack Man
28. 28. Benny And The Jets
29. 29. Do It
30. 30. So What'Cha Want
31. 31. Intergalactic
32. 32. Lighten Up
33. 33. Sabotage

The audience actually sang Paul Revere. That was a good moment. 

      I still have the ticket stubs to that Beastie Boys show hidden in a box somewhere, alongside the tickets for the Rhyme and Reason Tour. The show that wasn't meant to be. Just so you know, I've watched it in my head and in my dreams and it was glorious.